dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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