I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
