Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have demons in me.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
