So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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