my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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