"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
