I puked a lego.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
