Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
