Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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