Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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