I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
