it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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