walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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