..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
