Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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