then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
