it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
