I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
