I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
