I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Randomize
