where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
