Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
