And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
