Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
