I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
