Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
