ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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