I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
