can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Damn victory sex feels great
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
