Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
