too bad you live with your parents still
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
