btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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