I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
