Can i not drive my cunt home
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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