I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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