nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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