Kiss
Puke
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
