its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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