We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
