last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
