Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
