Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
