i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
