Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
