I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
