One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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