Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My dick has a subreddit
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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