Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
