Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
