i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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