and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
How external is "for external use only"?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
