i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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