Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
